SideQuest 14: Vault Release - Kissing Raccoons, Ankle Monitors, & F*ck Politeness!
Hi friends, welcome back to the Sidequest! This week's episode is a little unusual. We are all feeling a little under the weather and very worn out from participating in the Lansing Home and Garden Show this weekend.
So, we decided to release something special from the vault! This episode was originally recorded for our Patreon, but since we are putting Patreon on hold for a bit, you get early access to these unfiltered "Tales from the Field".
Here is a quick recap of the hilarious (and slightly horrifying) stories we shared this week!
Emily's Raccoon Romance
Emily has a documented history of lacking some executive skills in the safety department, especially when it comes to animals.
Our bestie/sister-in-law, Laura, rescued some raccoons from the middle of the road.
Even though the raccoons were hissing and wouldn't let anyone near them, Emily naturally picked one up and gave it a kiss on the head.
She then FaceTimed her husband, Lucas, and told him she wanted to show him a baby (since they had a new niece).
She flipped the camera to reveal the raccoon, and Lucas rightfully panicked, yelling at her to put it down immediately!
The Ankle Monitor Estimate (Emily's Story)
When Emily started doing estimates, she had an experience that sounds exactly like the beginning of a true crime podcast.
She pulled up to a house for an estimate, and the homeowner answered the door wearing a very visible ankle monitor.
Emily (trying to be polite) ignored the very obvious red flag and assumed it was just a white-collar crime, like an embezzler.
The homeowner then led her to the deepest, darkest corner of his basement, insisting she walk down the stairs first.
She survived the estimate, but the girls were absolutely horrified when she got back to the truck and recounted the story!
Samantha's Hitchhiker
Not to be outdone by Emily's basement estimate, Samantha shared a story from her early married days before the girls were born.
A man came into her workplace asking for money for a bus ticket to Sturgis.
Samantha, being incredibly helpful, told the man she lived in Sturgis and told him to come back at 5:00 PM so she could give him a ride!
She drove him home, and when she told her dad about it, he was (understandably) very concerned for her safety.
F*ck Politeness
All of these stories highlight a common thread among women: we often ignore our gut instincts because we want to be helpful and polite.
As the hosts of My Favorite Murder always say: "F*ck Politeness!" It is so important to balance giving people the benefit of the doubt with actual self-preservation. Remember: you can always apologize for being rude later, but you can't fix being murdered!
Thanks for listening, friends! If you want to share your own wild stories from the field, email us at hthm@myhandymaam.com. Don't forget to follow us on your favorite podcast platforms and leave us a review!
Episode Transcript:
Hi friends, welcome back to the side Quest. This one's a little unusual this week. This week I'm feeling a little bit under the weather and we're all very worn out from the Lansing Home and Garden Show that we participated in this weekend. So you get something from the vault. So you get something we found initially for Patreon, but we're not bringing Patreon to you for a little bit, so you get early access to it. And so if you hear me, it seems a Patreon, ignore that. But here is some Tales from the Field and a few other fun stories to get to know us better. So as always, like. Subscribe Review We love you all. Let's get into the. Episode just for you. Just for you. And it's weird stories from the field love that. Because we. Have so many in this decision is for. I didn't think about it till after this happened, but it's a Horror Story. Wait, illness. It's a Horror Story for a mirror. For sure. Horror stories from the field. Horror stories from the field. And it's horror stories. From the field now everybody turns off there. They're like unsubscribe to page so all. Right, so this is a mother's. Nightmare. A mother's nightmare. A woman's nightmare. Well, it should have been scarier to me, but I'm naive. That's. There that's a nightmare for your mom I'm. The one who? Does like estimating, which is kind of scary goofy 'cause I I'll say on my people pleaser and I also don't think anything bad at people unless I think bad at. Them despite hundreds of hours of murder podcast yeah. I love murder podcasts, but I think simply it's like how I tell Lucas, my husband, that I should be able to hug a bear because they just simply would know that I'm fine, that they like me. You lack some executive skills in the safety department. It's like because this is Patreon and you guys are here for our chaos, I mean. I have. I have. Tried to kiss a dog that is like actively biting me. Well, well, I firmly believe that animals can sense how much I love them and like my love. I agree with. That yeah, because Laura, my bestie slash sister-in-law, she had these raccoons that she rescued from the middle of a road. This is a story. Now this this little snippet is going to be me horrifying my husband and me horrifying my mom in 2. Different ways. But. Garrett, her boyfriend like couldn't get near them. They were hissing and I picked one up and I gave her a little kiss and it didn't even try to bite me or nothing. And then as. You get your rabies shot. No, but I thought about getting it preemptively just 'cause I like like to pet the creatures I like. Really my? Fellow moms out there, know about this where you find out stuff later. That. You're not sure you wanted to know? Yeah. But I really want to pet a Groundhog, so I like how chunky they are. I know the girl teeth I like kind of like. Well, let's go for anyways. Moderate animal Kingdom, dangerous folks to the but. Human. The thing is that where I find my husband is I was holding it near my face and I Facetimed him, but I had it like pointing away. And our niece had just been born like a few months prior. So I said, oh, do you want to see a baby? And he was like, oh, yeah, I want to see a baby. And then I turned it around and it was me holding a baby record. And he was like Emily. And they was like, put it down right now. Put it down. They're like where? Did you find that thing and? They say the husband always did it in the murder. If your husband ever wanted to murder you, all he would have to do is get like a feral animal. And be like she tried. To put you in the same room with it. All of us, me included, would totally believe that you. Did that would be like at least. She went. Out the. Way she wanted, yeah, but I. Was like. She. Died doing what she. Loves, I'm not one of those people who like like a kind of want to own a bear, but I like, I understand, like I'm not. Going to. Do exotics like I don't want to be like killed by a tiger. Anyways, back to the shore that scared my mother. All right. So I, Samantha, started doing all of her estimates and then I started taking over estimates. One of my very first ones I pull up and this man has a tether, AKA a house or a bracelet or an anklet. And you know what? I didn't think it was a fashion choice because Joy and. Noise. And I but I was like, surely I can't turn her light. And what if it's just like a white collar guy? Like we're fine. What if he's just an embezzler? Yeah. I mean, that's not that bad. And here have this cutie little demon dog with him like he was one of those like fox so. That that didn't. I didn't get enough explanation for that. No. Like a Chihuahua. Yeah, but like kind of like a sloofy. Chihuahua. All I can think of are murder podcasts where they talk about the animal hairs they find at the crime scene. Yeah, well, anyways, he was like, so I was like, hello, my name is Yamir from my honeymoon and I'm here. We had to rub my Pima and it was like the project's in my basement in the back corner and I'm like seems fine. Like not a single. Red or and. Then and then we're walking to the basement and he's like, you may go first. I probably shouldn't like go on 1st 'cause like what if he like push me down the steps or something? But I just think pretty much of this. And then we're like looking in the basement. He's like, oh, in this back corner that doesn't have any lights is where I want a bastard this. Is a definite womp womp story. Yeah, blah, blah, blah, blah. I'm like, this is fine. And then I get in the car. I'm like. She comes back and tells me a story. I'm like, so just so I understand, you went to a house where only a man was present who was wearing an ankle monitor. You then proceeded him into his dark basement. No. Why do you say it like that and not? Open. To the furthest corner away from the exit with him behind you. Do I have that straight? Yeah, yeah, yeah. That pretty much sums up Emily. Well, I didn't do anything. Like that? 'Cause you don't do estimates, I I like I'm. Sure, you've done your version of it. I don't think so. I can't think of anything. Like, I really feel like that. That's happened in my married life. After marriage, before you guys were born, I picked up a hitchhiker and. You did it while I was alive too. Cold water and drove him to. Oh, like him? Sturgis. A him. Like him. And then I told dad about it and he was like, that is not OK. I was like, he just, he came into manpower where I was working at the time and he was like, do you have any? Do you have any money for a bus ticket? I'm just trying to get to Sturgis. And I was like, you know what, I live in Sturgis. Why don't you just come back at 5:00? And I'll get you a life. Here, yeah, I did not get murdered so. Both. These stories. Happened before. Our French wolves were developed. Though I. Haven't I got married? Is that any baby so? Celebrate Club. I'll be an old maid before I. Get married. Oh my gosh, We have done some crazy things, but oftentimes it's because I don't think in the moment I don't have alarm bells. You want to be like, helpful and kind and stuff and like, it's hard to balance like giving people the benefit of the doubt and also having like self preservation, yeah. Well, in My Favorite Murder, the podcast that I consume. Fuck politeness. Yeah, that's what they say. Basically, they tell the story is like a lot of women get. Harmed or. Murdered because they're trying not to be rude. Yeah. It's also like I'm not trying to be. There are a lot of people out there that are like my dad, like my dad is just like. He'd probably know your friends. Dad but. He's like. Dad, I love you to death, and this is like my favorite part about you. But you'll go up to anybody and you'll just talk to them and you're like this. Old white dude and. You're. Just like. A chicken on your head? You. Understand this but you. You know. You just have conversations and like to other young women. That. They might be totally scared but like. If they started being rude. To him, he would be, he would be like, I don't know, that was weird. You know. Like about that being rude to him, but he would be like, I'm just trying to be nice. So it's like hard to think of like somebody being mean to my dad or something, but also like. Not being I. Mean like I you. Know they. Make it you can apologize later if you. Need to. Yeah, that's true. And. You can fix the being rude part, you can't fix the being murdered part. That's a good point. As always, thank you so much for listening. Remember to follow us at How to Handyman on any of your favorite platforms and also like subscribe and leave a review for us on podcast platforms. Helps us so much in our mission to teach women about the trades. Hope you enjoyed the episode. We'll see you on Friday. Love you so much.
